My last post was in January, which was 5 months ago. I have had many ideas since then on what to write about. However, I have never gotten around to do it. I kept blaming my busy schedule but when I look back, I feel that I really could have made time if I wanted to. I write in my journal from time to time but I keep putting off writing on a public platform. I know that I don't really have many readers but it's kind of scary that anybody in the world can see this post.
After a lot of introspection, I came to the realisation that a lot of these stem from my deep insecurities. I have always been insecure about my capabilities. I have had the Imposter Syndrome ever since I published my first book at 12. Although I tend to hide it quite well with my narcissistic comments, it doesn't change the fact that I am not as good as everyone thinks I am.
I am not a good writer. I can say this with full confidence. I don't write the kind of books or posts that I want to read. My writing is very straightforward- if you get what that means. Sure, some people enjoy that but I cannot fully express deep, dark feelings through my words. I have a shitty vocabulary, I make grammatical errors and most of the time, I use Google to look up simple words.
Up until recently, I was so worried that people would discover the truth about me and figure out that I am actually a fraud. However, sticking to my 2021 resolution to share the vulnerable moments of my life, I realised that I needed to accept this about me. I do understand that many people enjoy my writing and I am very grateful for it. I will continue to put in effort and share my work hoping that someone out there will enjoy it. Additionally, writing does bring me a sense of satisfaction. It can be cringy going over my work at times but its kind of like a time capsule. When I go through my old posts, I realise what kind of person I was back then and how much I have changed.
Although I don't consider myself a good writer, that doesn't mean that I will stop writing. I will continue to push myself to post because at the end of the day, it does bring me a sense of satisfaction. It's sort of like therapy for me. Over time, this blog has become somewhat of an introspection journal that I am sure that no one will actually enjoy reading. I mean, who would want to read about my random thoughts? It's really not even rants anymore. Nevertheless, I am writing this post today for MYSELF. Along the way, even if one person is able to relate to it or even enjoy reading it, then I will have achieved my purpose of posting it on a public platform.
I loved it🤗🤗🤗🤗hope achieve your purpose of posting, And specially your words, please continue