Pemma Edene- That’s what I modified my name to back in Class 6. Not only was it unique, but it also couldn’t be spelled without spelling Emma. If you couldn’t tell already, I was obsessed with Emma Watson back then (and still am). I’m glad I never convinced my parents to officially change it, though- dealing with people misspelling my name would have been a nightmare. Even with a fairly commonly spelled Euden, I end up with Edens and Yudens in medical records and school certificates. In fact, one of my most prized certificates had been awarded to a Pema Youden- for which I had to get a letter from my school, confirming that, Youden and Euden are, indeed, the same single person.
This brings me to the story behind my name, which goes back even before I was born. Five years before I was born, my sister was given the name- Tenzin Euden by Namkhai Nyingpo Rinpoche. Supposedly, Rinpoche was known for giving out Euden last names at the time. Fast forward five years: my mom takes me to the same Rinpoche and, as fate would have it, he gives me the same name- Tenzin Euden. My mom then tells him that’s already my sister’s name. And so, he changes it to Pema—which I don’t mind at all. I do prefer being a Lotus over a guard.
This is the story I told my coworkers at my internship this summer—as their eyes widened in surprise, with maybe a little hint of judgment. I then proudly announced, "We don’t have surnames in Bhutan!"—which is honestly my favorite thing about Bhutanese culture. The way our naming culture reflects who we are as a community—from how random and laid-back we are, to the deeper value of being a (mostly) non-patriarchal society, especially when surrounded by towering structures of patriarchy all around us.
“But how do you even keep track of anything?!” exclaimed one of my co-workers. This reaction was interesting to me. I do recognize that having surnames or taking the father’s name is important for tracking ancestry or lineage. But to my peer’s question, I counter-questioned: what happens to a woman’s surname and identity? Going back generation after generation, you realize that each woman loses her surname—which wasn’t even hers in the first place; it was her father’s. It’s unsettling—thinking about how women in many cultures lose something that was never really theirs. What happens to her ancestry then? And if you really think about it, changing your surname after marriage—something a lot of women nowadays choose not to do—doesn’t it just create more hassle in terms of legal documents and administration? In Bhutan, we don’t have that custom, and in a way, I feel like our culture was ahead of its time, whether or not it was intentional. But, of course, being the non-confrontational person I am, I just shyly replied, “Umm… we don’t?”
I don’t think we fully grasp how liberating it is to be able to name your child whatever you want. You don’t need to match it to your surname or your husband’s surname. Heck, you don’t even need a surname! My mother, like many others in her generation, has only one name. How cool is that? It’s like Beyoncé or Cher—you just need a single name to be recognized as you.
However, I also understand the millennial Bhutanese trauma of having a common name and being one of ten Pemas in your class. From adding an alphabet to your name—an A or a B to signify which Pema you are—to being given a nickname, it’s no surprise that many in our generation choose to give their kids unique names.
I also know that there are minority cultures in Bhutan where women do take their husband’s or father’s name. Additionally, many of my friends and family have chosen to keep their dad’s name or give their child the dad’s last name. No offense to any of them; it’s this very freedom of naming in Bhutan that intrigues me in the first place. However, I do hope that people, especially new parents, are intentional about the deeper implications—both as individuals and as a society—of their naming choices on our culture and mindset.
So, go ahead and name your kid whatever you want—just remember, if you go for something as unique as Pemma Edene, be ready to spell it for the rest of your life. But hey, if you want to name them after someone cool like me, that’s totally your call!
Great writing as always ❤️