I started 2019 with a mission, a mission to get out of my comfort zone, and that is exactly what I did. 2019 was a year of change and acceptance. It was a year of first times. I got to know a lot of people and made many special connections. I went into 2019 with a sense of determination and I ended it with a sense of satisfaction.
Often, it’s hard to see how you have changed only because the changes have been so gradual. It’s like when you gain weight and you hardly even notice it, until one day, you find a picture of yourself from two years ago, and realize, “oh, man, I’ve gained a lot of weight!” These changes happen little by little each day that the people around you or even yourself don’t notice. Changes that aren’t so physical, such as personal growth or changes within us are much harder to see. I guess that’s why I think it’s very important to reflect back on our past every now and then. The start of a brand new year is a great time to reflect on the past years and to be proud of what you have achieved so far.
I went through my blog posts of 2019 (that didn’t take very long!), my journal entries, and my photos from the year. I thought about what went through my head as I wrote those posts, what kind of a person I was, and what aspirations I had.
From the beginning of the year, I tried very hard to stick to my New Year resolution. I took the lead in a charity project and although it got very frustrating at times, I am proud of what we achieved as a team. Not only that, I was surprised at how I was able to work with a group of (practically) strangers. I had never done anything like that before and being a leader at my very first time, I think that I did a pretty damn good job (if I say so myself)!
2019 was also the year when I first attended a Bhutanese college. It was shocking how I met more people with different mind-sets in Bhutan than when I was in Texas. However, I got to know them and learn to respect their opinions. I learned to coexist and even become friends with people who did not think like me. This would not have been possible when I was in middle or high school.
Also, I understood that the teachers and students had many expectations of me. I wanted to use those expectations to push myself to become better. I took the chance to become a councillor, which is totally out of my comfort zone. The Pema who would be hesitant to ask a genuine question in class was now the one who raised her hand in almost every class. If it was a few years ago, I would have been worried to look like a nerd. I do not care anymore. If I believe that if my opinion is of some worth and can bring about knowledge and discussion in the class, then it would be selfish of me not to share it. As a councillor, I tried my best to speak out and bring changes rather than complaining and doing nothing like I usually do.
My confidence skyrocketed in 2019. I cannot really tell if it has to do with being back home, being “popular”, being more comfortable with myself or a combination of everything. Of course, I don’t think that I could ever be a social butterfly or ever be comfortable with small talk but I can (still with some level of awkwardness) approach strangers and make an impromptu speech.
I probably made the most friends and acquaintances in 2019 than I have in any other year. I learned how to not be so uptight and go with the flow (not too fully though). I made a few connections that will remain special forever. I learned how to gradually (I’m still learning) break down the walls and let people in. I let myself be vulnerable and I let myself be loved.
A huge milestone that marked the year was achieving my postgraduate diploma in education. It was honestly one of the best learning experiences in my life. For years, I had been learning theory after theory but not really learning how to apply those. Whereas, what I learned during my stay at the Samtse College of Education were about things that I had been through and what I knew I could apply. I learned so much about the system and analysed which parts made learning better and which needed to be changed. This course has had a huge impact on me not just on my profession but also on how I am as a person.
More than anything, 2019 has been a year of personal growth. I’ve become more of myself and content with who I am. Whenever people complimented me, I was never sure. But in 2019, I learned my potential. I realized that my comfort zone had been limiting me from reaching my full potential. Although I will probably always be that socially awkward person with commitment issues, I learned that labelling myself as that will always leave me in that box. I need to be able to give myself that push to get out of that box. I am extremely grateful for having the privileges that I do, for having the best people around me, and humbled yet excited for the huge amount of space that I still have for growth.
Who knew that getting out of my comfort zone would help me become so much more comfortable with myself?
Oh, and I also broke my glasses a grand total of three times in a span of two months by SITTING ON THEM!
The greatest lesson of the year: Never keep your glasses on your bed!