Postgraduate life is quite different than undergraduate life, I’ve heard. However, postgraduate life in Bhutan is a total different ballgame. Having spent four years in an American university and never having lived in a hostel ever, I was quite nervous about living at Samtse College of Education. My parents were nervous about how I would adjust to the food and to the hostel conditions. I was only just worried about how my roommate would be and how my lecturers would probably be expecting me to be a brilliant student and then find out that I am not.
However, my parents’ worries were the least of my troubles. I have only realized now that I am a very adaptable person. Whether being placed thousands of miles away from home or being placed into a traditional Bhutanese hostel, it didn’t matter much to me. I don’t really get attached to places or people so every time someone mentions if I miss the U.S., I realize that I don’t really. I didn’t really miss home while I was there either. I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or not but it does make my life a lot easier.
The worries that I had about people’s expectations were expected. To be honest, I do not really care much about my peer’s expectations on my academic performance. This is because with friends, I would prefer to be silly and just talk like normal twenty something year olds. However, with teachers, I would assume that the only way to impress them would be through my academic performance or by saying something smart. Thinking that they would have set a higher level for me, I already put a lot of pressure on myself. However, having spent a few months here and having gotten to know the lecturers and them having gotten to know me, I think that I’ve become a lot more comfortable.
While I was getting my undergraduate degree, I was practically a nobody… maybe just “the Asian girl” from Math class. However, in Bhutan, I am the “author” and most recently “the RCSE topper”. Those are very hard titles to live up to and I really wish I could show people that I’m much more beyond those titles. Being a nobody definitely had its own perks. I could do anything I wanted and nobody would care. Something I regret never having taken advantage of.
Bhutan is a very small world. Everyone either knows each other through mutual friends or is somehow related. A Bhutanese college is an even smaller world. Everyone seems to know each other and rumors spread like wildfire. I had gotten accustomed to not being given any attention for the last four years that it’s been a few rough months of too much attention here. I’ve been feeling conscious of the clothes I wear, the things I say, and the things I do. I feel as though each move of mine is being looked at and judged carefully. Yes, yes… I know what you are thinking. The world doesn’t revolve around you, Pema. Everyone has enough problems of their own to care about you.
That’s what I was assuming on my own as well. But I get a lot of questions and judgments about my personal life. Who I date, whether I drink or not, or who I hang out with are things that are like of personal interest to other people. Maybe I’m just being delusional and thinking that people care a lot more than they do. Or maybe I’m just having culture shock. In any case, I have to realize that whether I like it or not, I am some sort of public figure. However, it’s really up to me whether I want to uphold that figure and stay in the box that people have cut out for me or create a cutout for myself.
While at this college, I have also met a handful of people with completely different mindsets than my own. I’ve had to deal with many sexist comments that the teenage me would have ranted about for days. However, now I try to calmly tell them my opinion without really trying to change theirs. This new trait of mine might not be for the best of humanity but seems to be going pretty well for my social life.
All in all, for my first few months at my first Bhutanese college and my first hostel experience, it has been quite exciting. I’ve made some (hopefully) lifelong friends and also realized that not everybody thinks the way I do. I’ve begun to understand myself a lot better and I’m also trying not to let other people’s opinions try to change who I really am.
YOU DO YOU!