Friends has always been an easy going, funny show but there was this one episode that really made me think. It was a comment that Joey made (yes, the most of the time non-sensible Joey!). He had told Phoebe that no deed was selfless because it made you feel good. I thought about it and yes, indeed, most “selfless” deeds aren’t selfless at all. You do something good to someone because that makes YOU feel good or better about yourself. I don't think there exists a single deed in the universe that is selfless in its true meaning. That is because as humans, we are bound to feel good when we do something to make someone else happy.
Well, actually, I don’t have a problem with feeling good about doing good deeds. What I do have a problem with is the reason why some people try to be good. The one basic rule of Buddhism is to be selfless; in it’s real sense. It’s as simple as giving someone the last piece of your favorite candy. However, we hardly see the “selfless” good deeds anymore. Karma is a big concept in Buddhism, that being if you are good or bad to someone, it will eventually come back to you. Most of us kinda sorta believe in this and that is how our we live our lives.
It’s common to hear the saying, “Be good to someone because it’ll come back to you in the end”. However, that’s the complete opposite of what Buddhism stands for. You shouldn’t have to wake up early and go to temples or say something nice to someone because you want something good for yourself in return.
I remember reading a story in our Dzongkha textbook in Class 5 or 6. It was about an old couple who only had a rag of cloth which the two of them would wear turn by turn while the other hid at home. One time, the Buddha had come to visit their village and the man tells the woman that they should offer the Buddha their only piece of clothing. Wow, that’s real nice, I think to myself. But get this, this is why the man decides to give away the cloth: because he thinks that even though they hadn’t been fortunate in their current life, they might be born as better people in their next life if they offer their only cloth to someone like the Buddha. Seriously? 10 year old me would have had a complete fit in that class if it hadn’t been for the scary Dzongkha Lopen. That is the complete opposite of what Buddhism teaches. Correct me if I am wrong but isn’t selflessness about being good to someone because you want to be of help to that person and not because you expect something in return? The only reason that old couple should have offered their cloth to the Buddha should have been because the cloth would be of use to him, not because they wanted a better next life.
Sure, we are all humans and none of us are completely selfless, but for that story to be in a kid’s textbook gives kids a different view on the concept of being selfless. Hopefully, the Dzongkha textbooks have changed since then and at least corrected, if not taken that story out. Not meaning to offend anyone who likes or respects the story. Also, I know I’m in no position to be preaching about selflessness but just giving ya’ll my opinion.